Perfectionism. It is crippling to adults and children alike. Some people wear it like a badge of honor. Some people see it as an excuse. But of all the barriers to learning, making, and engaging that I see among students, perfectionism (or the unhealthy thinking patterns that make it up) is Number One. And it comes up more frequently with neurodiverse brains.
If you think perfectionism isn’t something you or your student struggle with, what about procrastination? Fear of failure? All-or-nothing thinking, unrealistic standards, defensiveness, motivated by fear, and being results-focused? These are all thinking patterns of perfectionism and things we try to help students through playful making. (For more info on these thought patterns, check out this article)
There is a measure of vulnerability in all making, creating, and artistic expression. When a person struggles with perfectionism, however, it can be difficult to even get started, let alone persist when things get long or hard. Perfectionism raises the stakes so high because failure of effort doesn’t just mean a project didn’t work out, it is a judgment on the maker. Perfectionism transfers the failure from the product to the person. Perfectionism means there are toxic levels of potential shame added to each game, project, process, or goal.
So what do we do to help students? We infuse playfulness into our making, we teach the Engineering Process and Design Thinking, we focus on skills and process rather than performance and product, we normalize failure and help students use failure to help them learn, and we cultivate an environment of collaboration, not competition.
Playfulness
Of all of the Foundational Values we teach, playfulness is the most misunderstood. Playfulness doesn’t mean goof-off or being entirely silly. It is the grease that keeps us going!
I am playful. I am a joyful explorer. I visualize & imagine. I embrace a process where ideas flow without judgment. I experiment with ideas. I try new things. I am flexible.
Besides modeling and highlighting playfulness throughout the school day, we also do many activities that encourage this kind of attitude and approach regularly in class. STEM challenges, brainstorming, and creativity exercises are all good examples. Most of the time, this work doesn’t make it into any form that is viewed in a portfolio or at a celebration. But the work cultivates skills that are the foundation of all the projects and innovations that we do, both at school and in life.
STEM Challenges
STEM challenges are great, even for the non-STEM inclined kids. We often use cheap materials, like popsicle sticks and tape, that promote a more child-like and playful approach. It’s popsicle sticks, it’s not supposed to look amazing! We give them a narrow time frame to complete it, which makes procrastination almost a non-option. Most of the time, all structures in a STEM challenge fail. That’s usually the point, to push something to failure. Students are usually given as many chances to try again within the time frame. And both during and after the challenge, we spend time pointing out what worked well in each design and what didn’t, therefore learning collectively from each others’ successes and failures.
Creativity Exercises
These activities take many forms and share qualities of STEM challenges in that they are short, self-contained, and with no expectations of greatness. They can be word games or free writing, simple art challenges, divergent thinking games, simple thought-experiment discussions, or what-if questions where there is no right or wrong answer.
Brainstorming
In making plans with students for their projects, we practice brainstorming. Brainstorming helps students see how important playfulness and flexibility are because through brainstorming they see good ideas form out of silly ones. Here are the four rules of brainstorming:
1. Focus on Quantity
2. Withhold Criticism and Concerns about Practicality
3. Welcome Unusual Ideas
4. Combine and Improve Ideas
How can you be more playful at home?
There are tons of board games that can help with this that you can incorporate into your learning time. Dixit, Apples to Apples, Telestrations, Punderdome, Cranium, and Code Names (or Code Names Pictures) are just a few. You can ask playful “What if” questions at mealtimes. Most importantly, you can model it yourself. Let your kid see you try something new. Talk about how it felt. Point out when you failed and what you learned from it. Hang up a piece of art that isn’t perfect and see how that helps you and your children overcome perfectionism.
